Just another day

Dr Apoorva Gopinath

It was just past midnight, I was on ICU duty, and there came this familiar young boy who was about as old as me, brought in by my peers with polytrauma. He was familiar because he had been with us for over a month now. Initially, he had shown some improvement, but it was all downhill from there onwards. We residents dreaded the day we would have to write and sign that summary- a lengthy paperwork on one hand, but in reality, it was a precious life - far too young, full of dreams and aspirations, nevertheless, gone too soon. I was the chosen one on that fateful night who had to shoulder the burden of writing: Time of death 3:25 am.

I was surprised when I saw my reflection and realized that I had been weeping. Although I had seen countless patients during my rotations that told stories of pain, sorrow, ill health, mental illness, I had never cried. My white coat shielded me. I was taught to put on a brave face, maintain professional distance, so that I would not be in tears each time I heard the heart-rending tales that would bear a prominent mark on my career, and thus in my life. It was the only way I could survive.

Family Medicine is a Pandora's box - full of endless stories. Each patient has a different tale to tell, giving a new perspective to life each time. Patients unload their pain onto you, and you unload your knowledge of medicine onto them, hoping they get better. A good barter most of the time.

Family Medicine has taught me about life and its complexities. I used to believe that medicine could fix anything. With the passage of time, I have realized my limitations in healing the world. I now know that my role as a physician is to ease the pain and suffering of the patient and family to the best of my ability, which often is offering a comforting hug rather than just the medicines I have in hand.

Many a time the stories feel like a burden, so much weight to carry, they make one ponder on life and question justice. There is no black or white, it's usually grey with too many shades of it. There are however those occasional moments of joy and success, the happy stories which you may experience when you least expect it. Those are the instances, that rejuvenate you and keep you going.

Nonetheless, a typical day in Family Medicine is a mixture of the good and the bad. You get to keep doing it and it is what keeps you going.

Dr Apoorva Gopinath
Family Physician